Fumbling
by syrupjunkie
Summary: Sakura and Syaoran learn that all expectations cannot be fulfilled. S+S. One-shot.


Author's Notes: Whew…haven't done a CCS one-shot in so long.  Hope it's okay.

Disclaimer:  I had all these great story arcs, but then I found out I didn't own CCS.  What a gyp!

Fumbling 

Minori sighed as she unlocked her door, the grocery bags settling deeper into her arms.  As the door swung open in its arcing creak, she winced.  The couple next door were arguing again, their muffled voices rising and falling across the thick walls.  She sighed; they seemed perfect for each other, newlyweds enjoying the prime of life.  But once that apartment door closed, everything got much worse, the fights, the sound of smashing things, the slamming doors…  

Minori shook her head, a gray wisp of her hair falling to cover one of her eyes.  Love was such a strange thing; she certainly never had this problem with her husband.  She swept her eyes across the scattered pictures of her late husband, some black and white in their younger days, some recent.  A loud crack broke the temporary silence, followed by another torrent of muffled shouts.  She deposited the bags on the kitchen table and put a kettle on the stove, listening to the mumbled argument.  She certainly hoped they were just going through a phase.

_____________________________________________

Sakura looked mournfully down at a broken plate, laying in three large sharp pieces on the kitchen linoleum.  She angrily threw off her dishwashing gloves, dropping the soapy sponge back into the food flecked, flooded sink.  A simple ordinary dinner, something that normal husbands and wives were supposed to be able to sit down and talk over, share their days.  But it was never simple with Syaoran, always just one thing after another, something never good enough, something that she did wrong.  And right now, it was all just repeating, looping.  "Syaoran, it looked like junk mail; it was labeled 'Resident.'"

Syaoran crossed his hands over his chest.  "I know, but the company didn't have my name on file yet so they sent it to the apartment under 'Resident.'  I told you this last night, at least three times!"

"When?"  Sakura stalked across the room, grabbing the broom and sweeping up the white clay pieces.  "When I was busy washing your shirts?  Or maybe it was when I was changing my clothes after a long day of teaching?  When you were on the couch watching TV while I was scrubbing the bathroom?"

"Oh, don't you dare use that against me again!  I do just as much housework as you do.  And you're not the only one with a job.  Speaking of which, you seem to keep forgetting you threw away my first paycheck, money we need."

"I know, I know.  I already apologized for it.  I know it was important, but I can't go sliding down the garbage shoot to get it back can I?"

"That's not the point and you know it.  This is about you not thinking before you do things."

Sakura flashed a deadly look, throwing the china pieces into the trash and straightening to stand at full height.  "Me?  Not thinking things through?  Which one of use was the one that wanted to elope?  Hmm, Mr.-I'm-always-level-headed?"

"Great, here you go blaming this disaster of a marriage on me again.  You agreed to it, if I remember right!"

"Disaster?  Is that what you think we are?"  Sakura didn't give him a chance to answer, piling the dried plates and cups into the cupboard.   "If that's how you see us, why don't we just save ourselves the trouble and end it all right here?  A short little trip to city hall and we can finally be out of each other's hair."

Syaoran shook his head, leveling his voice, cold.  "Sakura…"

"No, you know what?  You're right, and I was an idiot to not have seen it."  Sakura ran a hand through her shoulder length hair angrily.  "An utter idiot."  She moved quickly, storming past Syaoran in the doorway.  

Syaoran's voice stayed low, threatening.  "Sakura, don't be stupid."

She stood in the threshold of their bedroom, her face almost impassive, slightly scornful.  "Yes, I was very stupid wasn't I?"  She turned and caught a coat off the bed.  "I actually thought we could make it."  Without moment's pause she was at the front door, standing resolutely on the brink, looking back with a grim face.  "It's over, Syaoran."  The door closed softly in her wake, as the room seemed to shrink back and deflate.

Syaroan slumped slightly, sighing and clenching his fists.  He flung a nearby cushion across the room, careening into a vase, smashing the green glass form into millions of shards across the floor.  "Shit."  This wasn't how he'd pictured marriage.

___________________________________________________

Tomoyo yawned and looked murderously at the glowing red numbers on her bedside table.  The pounding continued, driving across the expanse of her apartment, right into her fuzzy head.  "Damnit, hold on."  She groaned and rolled out of bed, padding quickly and silently across the cool carpeted floor.  Shivering, she hastily fumbled with locks, pulling the door open and staring myopically into the dim hall.  "Who is it?"

Sakura stood tearfully on the green-black carpet, sniffling.  "Tomoyo…"

Tomoyo rubbed her hazy eyes, knowing the exact pitch and tone of Sakura's voice.  Another fight…  She sighed and pulled Sakura out of the breezy hallway, flicking on the living room lamps as she went.  "You had another fight didn't you?"  It wasn't really a question, just filler as she fetched a robe and got out cups for the coffee they were sure to have.  The same routine for the past four months.

Sakura wiped her eyes mechanically, hugging an oversize sofa cushion to her chest.  She barely moved as Tomoyo deposited a steaming cup of coffee in front of her.  "I'm not in the mood for coffee."

Tomoyo nodded, putting the cup down on the table and knowing perfectly that a minute later it would be against Sakura's lips.  "What was it about this time?"

Sakura's hand unconsciously reached out for the cup, bringing the bitter liquid up to her mouth, taking a long absent-minded sip.  "A check. His paycheck; I accidentally threw it away."

Tomoyo almost had the insane urge to laugh; it was such a Sakura thing to do.  It almost would've been funny if she didn't know how much they really needed all the money they earned.  "Sakura, it was just a mistake.  I'm sure he's just angry."

Sakura put the cup back on to the table, shaking her head with a slow languid movement.  "No, it was more this time."  She paused, her voice shaking.  "I-I told him it was over.  Tomoyo, I just ended our marriage!"

Tomoyo looked incredulously at her crying best friend.  Was Sakura out of her mind?  Was Syaoran?  She settled down next to Sakura, hugging her close.  "Sakura, it's just a spur of the moment thing.  Both of you were angry and you said things you didn't mean."

Sakura pulled away, rubbing away the tears.  "No Tomoyo, you don't understand.  I think I meant it, I really did.  I just wanted all the fights, and all the crying and all the stress to go away."

Tomoyo smiled softly and shook her head, looking wise with experience.  "You didn't mean it, Sakura. You can't see it too clearly right now, but you and Syaoran are just meant to be you know?  Just the two peas of a pod thing?"

Sakura gave a shaky, watery laugh.  "Yeah, two peas…"  Her eyes hardened, a seriousness sweeping over her tear carved face.  "But I can't go back Tomoyo; this week's been the worst yet.  We're at each other's throats every minute, every little thing gets us worked up into a full out screaming match."

"But you still love him right?"

Sakura nodded, sniffling softly.  "I do love him, probably always will.  Why isn't it enough?"

Tomoyo looked sorry; sympathetic and helpless.  "Sakura, sometimes life just doesn't work the way we want it to.  Some people just work, some others…don't.  But most of the time, people fight and they make up and live fairly happily.  You can work this out Sakura."

"No, Tomoyo.  This isn't going to be some fairy tale ending.  It's been like this from the beginning, right when we moved into our apartment.  Six months of bitterness and fighting and yelling.  We just don't fit right, and try as hard as I can, it's not going to change."

Tomoyo smoothed Sakura's hair, sighing softly to the ceiling.  "Sakura, get a good night's sleep.  I'm sure tomorrow you'll change your mind and everything will be better."

Sakura nodded, yawning.  "Thanks Tomoyo."

"It's nothing Sakura.  Sleep well."

_______________________________________________

Tomoyo frowned hard at the plain wooden door, the polished brass of '5B' gleaming back at her.  This was something with every fibre of her being she did not want to do.  But Sakura hadn't changed her mind, that flat determined voice rising over the crackling of frying eggs, the voice that told Tomoyo to break the news to Syaoran.  And it was only after two hours rationalizing and begging that Tomoyo convinced Sakura to compromise, a meagre one at that.  She pressed the doorbell, two the sharp buzzes.

"Sakura?"  The door flew open, Syaoran appearing face to face with Tomoyo.  "Oh…"

Tomoyo looked at Syaoran, noting how things never change.  It was always this, the big fight, both of them looking miserable the next day.  Syaoran was bleary eyed, work clothes crumpled, face drawn and wretched.  She almost hugged him.  "She's at my apartment right now."

Syaoran nodded, letting Tomoyo in and after belatedly realizing his appearance in the hall mirror, began to smooth his hair.  "I don't even know how it got that bad last night…"

Tomoyo maneuvered around the apartment.  "It's always like this Syaoran.  It didn't help that last night's argument involved money."

"I just don't know Tomoyo.  First it was the check but then it turned out into this huge thing about our marriage.  This isn't the way things are supposed to work out."

"Nothing ever is.  We don't get to dictate how ours lives should be.  If we could, I'd be in Art school instead of doing mother's administrative work."

Syaoran smiled weakly.  "Is she still mad?  I said some really bad things yesterday."

"I don't think she's angry.  She's confused and lost."  Tomoyo steeled herself for the explosive reaction that was sure to follow.  "She sent me to get her things."

"Her things?  Why?"

"She needs space, time, to think everything over.  She wants to separate for a while."

"You've got to be kidding!"

"I wish I was.  She needs to work some things out, and so do you."  Tomoyo approached Syaoran and put a comforting hand on his arm.  "Just time to cool off, rethink things.  I have complete faith that you two will work it out."

Syaoran sat on a nearby couch, dazed.  He murmured softly to Tomoyo.  "I do love her you know…"

"Of course, we all know it.  And she loves you, but you both need to take a step back, get rid of your ideas of what marriage is supposed to be and find your own pattern."  Tomoyo got up, leaving Syaoran on the couch.  She went into the bedroom, picking up some of Sakura's clothes and packing them into a bag.  A silvery glint attracted her eye, a chrome framed wedding picture.  She smiled softly and carefully placed it into the pocket of her jacket.  She left the room to find Syaoran still slumped on the couch.  "Syaoran?"

He looked up at her, distant and faraway and staring through.  "She's really gone, isn't she?"

Tomoyo shook her head briskly, her voice firm.  "No, she's not.  You two will be fine; I have no doubts."

"None?"

"Absolutely none."  She gave Syaoran one last smile and let herself out.  The hall was empty for one elderly lady, watering a hall tree.  Tomoyo hauled the bag on her shoulders and made her way to the elevator, feeling like she was being watched.

___________________________________________________

Syaoran picked up the chopsticks, eating the rice quickly.  The first few months had been scary and awkward, the empty seat across seat from him, the silence that swallowed the kitchen.  But in a way, it was nice, the fact that there were no arguments, no fights, no thrown objects.  He chewed mechanically and swallowed.  This was his life now.

He wondered if Tomoyo was right, that everything would work itself out.  The first month he believed her, thought Sakura would just appear at the door.  But as the weeks drifted by and no phone calls, no letters, no contact, he began to wonder if the next person that knocked the door would be serving him divorce papers.  

A soft knock sounded at the door, and his stomach froze.  He almost scowled at his ridiculous paranoia.  He opened the door and stopped short.  "Minori-san."  He looked confusedly down at the elderly woman, wondering why she was at his door.  Maybe she got the numbers mixed up and went to the wrong door?  But then why would she be knocking?  "Is there something wrong?"

The woman smiled.  "No, not at all.  Just that I got a letter in my mail for your wife.  Thought I'd just come over and give it to her."

Syaoran's face drained slightly.  "She's not here."

"Oh, is she visiting family?"

"No, we've separated."

Minori looked taken back, surprised and yet not.  Her apartment had been exceptionally quiet the last few months.  "Separated?  Why I've never heard a more ridiculous thing in my life.  You two make the best couple I've seen in a quite a long time.  Surely, this can't be a permanent situation?"

Syaoran didn't know quite how to answer.  "It's complicated."

"Complicated is it?"  The woman thought for a moment.  "Luckily my night's free.  You can tell me everything over tea.  I've just got a cake from the bakery too."

Syaoran racked his brain for an excuse, anything.  But he found himself a little attracted to the idea of having some one to talk to.  Somehow, he found himself seated neatly in a small warm kitchen staring down at a thick slice of chocolate cake.  And somehow he found himself telling her everything, late into the night after the cake had been reduced to crumbs, and the tea stood cold on the counter and the kitchen lights had replaced the natural yellow of the sun.  And all the while, the gray haired woman smiled and nodded and gave sympathetic gestures.

Minori felt sorry for the young man across from her.  He was a nice man, and he genuinely love Sakura.  She could tell, all these years of experience observing people.  The way he talked about her, the way he described the things that made her special.  She reached across the table and patted Syaoran's hand.  "Go find her.  Don't just sit here and let it all slip away.  If I had done that, I'd never have gotten married and had this wonderful life.  Go tonight."

Syaoran vaguely wondered if he should go find Sakura, but his body had already made the decision, snatching up the keys and his coat.  As he rushed out of his apparent, he caught sight of the Minori smiling with her wrinkled mouth at him.  "Arigato, Minori-san."

She only smiled more.  "Good luck."  And she disappeared back into her apartment.

___________________________________________

Sakura smiled graciously a few times, offering hors d'oeuvres and drinks to the guests.  She wasn't really in a mood for a party, but Tomoyo had to entertain a bunch of important clients who currently flooded the apartment.  Sakura didn't want to have conversations or nod along to long stories involving people and places she didn't know.  Instead she just wanted a hot shower, a warm blanket, a good book, anything to distract her from the growing sense of emptiness.

Four months away from Syaoran was brutal, the loss of an important presence that had always seemed to be by her side.  And as much as she wanted to just run back to their apartment, as fast as her legs could take her, until her lungs burst, she knew these problems would just come back.  And she still couldn't figure out why everything had gone so wrong so quickly.  

The fear that kept her from being in the small, comfortable apartment that smelled of Syaoran.  Instead she was talking to strangers, surrounded by people that had nothing in common with her.  She abruptly bumped into a man, spilling wine over his shirt.  "Ah, I'm so sorry.  Very sorry; let me get a napkin."  But the man had found her wrist and held her in place.

"Sakura…"  Syaoran's voice drifted from just a little above her.

Sakura looked up into Syaoran's face, the features that she knew every dimension of.  "Syaoran, what are you doing here?"

Syaoran steadied himself.  "We have to talk."

Sakura nodded hesitantly, leading them through the crowd into her bedroom.  "So…"

Syaoran sighed and wrapped his arms around Sakura, just letting the pleasant feeling of her body moulding against his settle into his bones.  "I've missed you, Sakura…"

Sakura nodded, pulling his arms around her a little bit tighter.  "Me too, but nothing's changed, you know.  We still haven't work anything out yet."

"No, but it doesn't matter.  Sakura, we have to go into this knowing that we have to constantly adjust and deal.  Things aren't going to fall into place because we want them to.  But a good friend who's out in the other room has complete faith in us."

"But the fights, the yelling.,,"

"A thing of the past.  As our wonderful next door neighbor told me, we need relax into marriage, let it be something that just is."

"But that's just talk Syaoran…I don't know what I'd do if we ended up hating each other."

Syaoran brushed his lips against the back of Sakura's neck, murmuring against her skin.   "We won't.  I'll always love you.  We have to try again."

Sakura leaned back against the contact, eyes drifting shut.  All these months of loneliness, missing the caresses and soft words, she let the sensations wash over her, flooding.  "Mmmm…maybe we do…"

______________________________________

Tomoyo watched Sakura's bedroom door slam close with a distracted smile.  "Hmm?"  She turned back to the man in front of her.

"I said are you okay Tomoyo-san?  You seemed like you were a little preoccupied."

"Iie, Watanabe-san.  Everything's absolutely fine.  Perfect."

________________________________________

Author's Notes:  Hope that was okay, even with the conventional ending.  It could've been a song fic, but then it wouldn't have ended happily.


End file.
